There are so many conversations that I’m having with friends, family and clients. Some are feeling overwhelmed by the new normal.
Who could blame them?
Kids are at home all day due to closed schools. There is both a sweetness to having them around and yet it becomes too much at some point. Families get together to re-organize their day, meal plans, play time, over black boards hung on the wall. Single friends are dating online. Couples navigating both sharing the home 24X7.
For the lucky ones (?) working from home and still paid, it’s day of creating quiet spaces to take meetings. And to remember not to stand up on Zoom meetings because you are still wearing your PJ bottoms. (Yes, this happened to one of my working clients.)
And for the unlucky ones (?) not working, unable to work as they have before Shelter At Home, it’s a big question mark.
What do I do? What can I do? What is the future for me and my family?
Uncertainty, the feeling loss, disappointment as projects are re-routed, delayed, stalled, ended, postponed. If you are not aware, this may conjure feeling of being useless, invisible, worthless.
The pressure can be strong, maybe unbearable. So we turn to housecleaning, food, TV binging, wine, sex, Social Media binging, lots of walks and obsessive thoughts and feeling.
It’s all so strange. Strange and wonderful. In the midst of all of this there is a hopeful buzz of newness, freshness. It is interesting.
Happiness is not only and inside job but it is also an inside-out job. Get it?
Personal development and spiritual seeking is an inside job. It’s an inner journey. In the last 15 years, at least for me, it’s turned into an inside-out journey. I’ve come to so much clarity and success by beginning with feeling my feeling, first.
What does that mean?
And at the beginning, that is a terrifying thing. I mean, when I first began this journey, I would rather die than feel my feelings. I was so numb, I had no idea. I look back as see what extremes I went to avoid, numb or exhaust myself (work out addiction, work addictions, food “diets.”) Sound familiar?
However, when I finally allowed myself to feel – and that happened slowly, trickled in over time- when I let myself feel, I did not die. Surprise!
And right under that was another fear: that when I let loose, I would be consumed by my fears. Swallowed up by them, like a giant ocean wave carried out to sea and never seen again.
Well, surprise, that also did not happen.
Instead, I found myself – with this metaphor- lying on a beach, feeling the sun, hearing the ocean, watching the clouds and appreciating the seagulls swooping. I began to feel clear, clean. Life came into focus.
I had to let loose to get my footing back.
It meant that I traded behaviors. Feeling replaced acting out drama in kneejerk ways. Not acting out in drama, which is what we often see modeled in life. (TV, Social Media, politics, home school) We see it and sometimes it is rewarded. But once I made up my mind, no going back. Nope. Instead, I chose to replace the kneejerk drama with feeling my feelings.
And I learned something else. To let it be between, me and Me, mostly. I’d gone the route of groups and one-on-ones. It was all so helpful. But at some point, the journey HAS to be about you and You. I learned to discern, to be more private.
Trading behaviors, Up leveling.
I privately allowed my feelings to “breathe”, much like a balloon naturally gives up the air and returns to original state. There are advantages to doing this privately. That is why people do what they do. We have mediated, gardened, hiked in gorgeous natural vistas, played with pets, volunteered at pet rescue, written books, songs, screenplays for movies – for centuries. Activities like this become gateways for reconciling and releasing feelings. There are so many ways to safely and privately express feeling, emotions.
And then the cycle turns and it’s time to seek support again. I needed help, we need some support some time. Come back into discerning reflection with others. So I hired coaches and therapists and mentors. What did they do? Be a sounding board, offer perspective, set a container for Being. There is helpful energy exchange with the “just right” coach or therapist.
Cycles of private and seeking support.
Yes, that is right. I am a coach who hires coaches to support my own awareness. Worth contemplating that.
Can we go back to “Normal,” you ask. If Normal is happy, yes. We can find Happiness. It’s here.
A Recipe for Happiness.
So there is a lot of food for thought here. Let’s boil it down to a “recipe.”
Happiness is an Inside-Out “job.”
You get to be self-caring.
Happiness is the measure that counts, really.
This is the work, the “actionable items.”
Can you feel your feelings?
Can you feel the buried ones, just let them breathe?
Can you safely express them?
Can you privately express them?
Can you let loose the feeling from inside your body to outside?
Can you simply let it go?
The answer is yes, slowly, gently.
Happiness is Your Inside-Out Work.
This is how we digest and integrate. This is how we heal.
Enjoy!
Need help?
From My Hands and Heart to Yours,
SusanJoy
SusanJoy Grieco is a happy wife and mother of furry and feathered children. She enjoys inspiring others as a Well-Being Coach and published Songwriter. Her music CD titled “TurnAround” is on Spotify. https://open.spotify.com/album/1Z0kTlxfpyD7Mx34o20pMS
